It's about a week's time before I board a plane and leave Singapore behind, again... And this time it really feels very hard to let go. I'm sure that after a few days in Melbourne this feeling in the pit of my stomach will fade but you'd think it would be easy to let go after the countless years in army and the past year and a half in Melbourne... But it's not.

I'm going to miss it, all over again, the people, the familiarity, the power, the inspiration, the highs and lows, the double life, the emotions, everything... And it's making me sick thinking about it and yet, I can't shake it...

Half of me wishes I had never gone at all, while the other half knows that I have changed for the better since coming back... I guess the most I can do right now is to ask any readers of this blog to pray for me, to have a peaceful and seren heart to accept what is to come...

I've not felt so sad in a long, long time...

It's been a while, hasn't it? Haha!

Returning to Singapore has shown that I have changed a lot since I left in July 2006 for Melbourne! For instance, the last time I sang in the Sanctuary of my home church, I was a squeaky little mouse whom no one could hear, and this time around my voice boomed till it drowned out the girls and almost drowned out the worship leader (Oopsy! Looks like I learnt projection! Heh!) which was quite embarressing since i still don't have control over my stage fright so the vocal quality wasn't pure.

Also since coming back (actually, maybe since army), I am a lot less reserved and a lot more open to questioning authority, especially when the authorities sound like they've taken too many hits to the head! I'm not passive anymore but trying to catalyse positive change (at least I hope I am doing so!) and I've finally got my butt back into composing (melodies are still shot but its good to do a bit of secular to break the monotony, no offence Lord).

But I do miss Melbourne, life there is so much more different from home; total independance, singing loudly in the shower, hanging out with friends at all sorts of late hours AND still being able to walk home and let's not forget the spiritual side of life... It just feels like lightyears ahead of what its like back in Singapore, as I've been telling all my friends, the spiritual learning curve over in Australia is steep! I hope to learn more of what God can teach me here but it feels like a rest period? I dunno.

Hope you guys are doing well back in Oz, I'll be back sooner than you know it (whether you like it or not!), Later! 

I just wanted to drop in for a bit, asking those who still come to Multiply to please pray for me, exams are around the corner for me and I am deadly terrified of failing my Quantative Methods (Statistics) module on the 14th and my Accounting Reports and Analysis module. Heck, I'm scared of fialing my Psych and Microeconomics modules too, please pray, not nearly belief statements, follow through with a prayer for me please, only He can save me now. And I am so tired... It might just be physical exhaustion but I just ned complete rest, that even amidst this storm I will still seek and see God. WIll write proper after my exams, Later y'all.

P.S. To all who wish to pray for me, my exam dates are as follows, thanks loads.

Social, Develop. & Clinical Psychology 12th November

Quantitative Methods 14th November

Introductory Microeconomics 19th November

Accounting Reports and Analysis 21st November

I'm not going to kid you, I'm a wannabe experimental psychologist. I have been dealing with ways to help people cos I love the counselling and diagnosis aspect of being a psychologist.

Right now, I would like to offer any of you guys who are stressed/angry out there a free piece of destressing advice. Take out a piece of paper or your laptop and start writing/typing away at it. Say everything you have to say, wail about your hardships, anger, frustrations and all the misfortunes that have befallen you this past week. When you're feeling tired and are running out of stuff to write about, think about your past grievances with others and continue to write them out.

Only when you are completely exhausted about writing out all the shit in your life do you take the next step. I want you now to breathe in deeply and then focus about at least one good thing that has happened. In fact, if you can, think about all the good times and events that have occured in this life of yours. All the memories that have made you smile or the photos which paint a thousand words. And keep writing, with a sense of gratitude, whether you believe in God or not, that all these are fo you to keep and treasure, that nothing can take these small hours from you, where your life is defined and lived thoroughly with happiness.

I hope this technique helps you out, if it does it would be really great so I'd better state right now that this piece of intellectual advice was devised and patented by David Goei! Haha yay me! God Bless y'all, enjoy the upcoming weekend and remember to breathe!

A time when I could get away from the world, beginning on Friday when we took off in the evening for Belgrave some by Uncle Michael's truck while others (Xin Yan, Colin and I) via train. Heh I got to compose a bit on the train ride there so it was all good (since the former two were resting). We arrived at the train station where we began to show signs of our fatigue and moon struck behavior (but worth the laughs, between Colin and myself anyway, haha!). Upon arrival at the campsite, I promptly decided to sleep in the main hall instead of the bedrooms because it was the only place with heating and to my pleasant surprise, Colin and Leland decided to join me. Seeing that we were to have an early start, I decided to get an early nights rest (relatively speaking).

I woke up to find myself shivering. Guess who found it too warm last night and turned down the thermostat? Hahaha I wanted to half hearted wring his neck while laughing my head off! The morning sessions came round and with it, a delicious pancake breakfast and two talks by Nicky Gumbel. Lunch came and we all went out for a slightly less than hearty meal of charcoal grilled chicken (people who owe me money, pay up! Haha!). We had a little adventure with a homeless guy in Safeway as we shopped for our dinner ingredients as we had shopped for our supper ingredients the night before (cos Uncle Michael is like some cooking prodigy, he made this great chicken and rice combo on Friday night!) and then we headed back home to spend the rest of our late afternoon resting.

But rest was not for those who had to prepare, Pearly very kindly offered to help me play keyboard for worship in the evening, which I had been preparing for since Monday; Colin, Pearly and I all practiced it, despite my voice being at less than optimal, we did our best, then Colin prayed for us and we were good to go. A great pot roast dinner was prepared by our maestro chef before worship began; I was leading this time (Colin took the morning shift) and for the first time ever leading worship, I heard worshippers sing in tongues and it was wonderful... Praise God... We had the third talk after worship before it was time for our little prayer time with one another. James, Colin's friend, said a prayer for me but most of it slipped my mind sadly before we broke up into pairs and prayed for one another. I knew who I was to pray for and in that time, God poured in His holy spirit and worked through me to minister and speak to others, it was great, I could feel Him speaking to the other person!

After a bit, Pearly had to go home early so we sent her off in James' car where we all went a little mad (especially the dash to the train, haha!) before we returned back to allow myself to be smoked like a salmon by the campfire and play some crazy games with the remaining campers. I was drawn aside by Colin and we had one of those deep talks in a quiet place away from the bustle of the camp where we spent time just talking and enjoying each others company... He also wanted to refresh my memory of James' prayer for me, all of which was true and applied to me... I kid you not, not everything stuck to me but to me, these are the kind of talks which I treasure the most, which would be one of those deeply imprinted into my memories as time well spent... Thanks Colin...

But you forgot to think up songs for tomorrow morning's worship! Which was why you wanted to get away from the Cranium game in the first place right? Haha my voice was shot so I felt I would not be ready to lead worship on Sunday morning so the two of us stayed up a little longer in the bunks after the talk to pray and think of songs for worship! Heh we only went to bed at 2am and Colin sprung a new surprise on me: I was to do the communion message in his stead. WHAT?!?!?!

Sunday morning dawned as a very sleepy me wiped the dastardly drool (a.k.a. Death Breath) from the corner of my lips to find that it was close to devotions and Colin was missing. I found, from a message left on my computer screen, that he was in Bunk 2A cos he was too hot in the main hall so I happily barged into 2A... Only to find the remaining girls awakening to my clang bang entrance... Colin... Again... Haha I apologised and backed out after a few embarrassed and stunned seconds before I opened up 2B to awaken our fearless leader (dude!). At least I woke them up, apparently they were all sleping soundly and we were behind schedule!

After yet another brilliant breakfast we had worship followed by communion where I said a few words (hopefully it wasn't too bad) before we had the final talk for the weekend. We were then invited to reflect over the weekend and I was touched that Xiao Hui decided to choose me, so we went off outside the manor to chat while strolling through the damp forest for about twenty minutes before returning to take a wide miscellaneous bunch of crazy photos to make up for the fact that not many had been taken during the camp itself! Haha and soon it was time to go, most regretfully, I was not ready to return to reality with it's trappings of homework and responsibilities but we had to I guess. I took Uncle Michael's car back with Wen Jie and Colin where we all had crazy talk about stuff (amongst all things, army?), at least I managed to get Colin to read through the latest incomplete song and he said it flowed and it was good, thank God! 

And sooner than I knew it, I was back in my apartment as if the whole thing had been a dream. I skipped House Church because my body feels tired and my heart is not ready for worship, because I had assignments to do (not much covered but better than nothing) and the Weird Bunch were only planning today. At least God is showing how He worked over the weekend, the person I prayed for might want to come to church! Praise Him, truly... Uni started today or rather, my uni starts Tuesday morning at 9am (yeah right, I'm going for the Thursday 11am thank you very much!) and I still find myself wishing we were back in Belgrave with its atrocious bathrooms spending time together. But I guess this is reality and we must bravely face it, no matter how unpleasant it may be. But I believe that in the future, God will bless me many more of these precious moments, where my life is defined in those small hours, which I can cherish and share with my dear friends... Thanks Alpha Team for a most unforgettable weekend...

Wow... I know I should be expecting this any and all the time, in fact, I should be used to it, but whenever the Holy Spirit descends, I am always surprised.

We just came back from the Alpha Retreat and am recovering from my awesome experience with the Holy Spirit. It wasn't like it was last semester, where I felt the tongues of flame over my hands and head. This time, I didn't feel that as the men were bunched together praying for one another but I knew what was to come next: we would be praying for another person and my heart was being pulled to a certain someone.

I pulled the other guy aside, something in my body racing as I sat him down and asked him what I could pray for. When we were praying together, I could sense, from his very hand on my shoulder on my back (yes it sounds gay, too bad) that he was looking for something. And so we prayed and my mouth went trailing off into the night, on and on, my hands now clasping what felt like the hands of a small confused child as I felt something working, working, working through me into him. At the end, when the prayer had done, I knew not to run off; it felt like God was using my voice to ask him questions and I invited him to share the burdens of the guy's heart and deep within, I could hear the words 'Unlock' come to mind and the shackles around his defences came down just like that. We talked for a bit and the Spirit told him all that He/It wanted to say about God.

Then just like that the next moment we were out playing around the campfire, like it had all been a dream and yet I knew, that God was there and talking to him through me and I can only praise Him for His wonders and for using me. Amen.

Hi, my name is David, and I'm a substance abuser...

Hey, don't look at me like that ok? We all have our problems... And it happened all with good intentions, at least mine did... Ok so it was after a friend's birthday party and I was upset about how everyone got cheated by the overpriced meal. A bunch of us were heading home when one of my friends thought it would be cool if we dropped by his place... And then the party really started, it was innocent enough at first but soon it all went wrong... By the end of the night my voice was totally hoarse from all the laughing and shouting and singing and the drinking did not help much, it threatened to totally go... And then my friend offered it to me, that miracle substance that helped me elevate my world... It was only one mouthful... But I was hooked... Even before church I felt like I had to take one more and I was totally chuffed during worship with the effects...

I bought more from a dealer at the start of the week, I don't know what is quality or not, I just bought it... It's near the end of the week and I've just about finished my first batch, I HAD to buy two more, I just HAD to! It's SO SWEET! And it's so hard to kick... It really is so good for me... Quite a lot of people say it even has good properties... And tomorrow when I visit my friends' place, I know I will need to use it again, I even made a special concoction for the event... This is so hard...

I am David, and I am a honeyholic, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! MWAHAHAHA!

Our brave hero Huaka looked up at the daunting quest facing him: what was supposedly the largest indoor rock wall in the Southern Hemisphere. He had just ran a great distance with much haste after watching a devilishly funny and amusing autobiography about a rat who wanted to become a chef and sadly Huaka only had time to rescue one of the three princesses, Sharon from the Noble House of College, who were with him at that time from a remaining afternoon of boredom, as the other heroes were already waiting for Huaka and the princess (some of whom seemed disgruntled by the fact that their adventure had been waylaid by a rat).

After donning their gear, the old sorceror at the bottom of the cliff began to lecture them how impossible it was to climb the cliff (or was it HOW to climb the cliff safely using the gear, Huaka didn't remember) but Huaka had already begun scanning the walls for a basic challenge first. When the sorceror had released them from his magic grip, Huaka pounced upon the nearest part of the cliff and began to scale it with the aid of his trusty fellow hero, Cyber Jon of Arrow, protecting him and climb he did. Huaka would always begin by zipping up the wall, like an arachnid hero whom Huaka admired greatly, but unlike that famous hero, Huaka did not have the ability to stick to walls and by the halfway mark, a cold sweat had began to creep over his brow. He was merely a human and he acknowledged that, trying to make his way through the world of marvels he lived in and he too knew that he was all too human, that the loosening of a rope, that the mis-grip of a rock would send him tumbling to his death and this too seemed to be on the mind of his fellow heroes... It was certainly a tall order to face for any human...

But Huaka knew the secret to conquering this element of un-nature and that was faith. Faith in his body that it would not fail him, faith that his mind knew and had calculated impeccably what he was doing, faith in Cyber Jon of Arrow to take care of him below, faith to make the daring leaps of life from one impossible rock face to the next... Faith in a life after this one if anything. Speed too was key for it prevented him from becomng frozen with fear and panic for it was no point in literally hanging around, pondering over whether it was possible to make it to the top. Besides, he knew the faster he got to the top the faster it would all be over. Soon some fair ladies began to see a light in Huaka's eyes and began to request his assistance and he began to slowly instruct them in his ways.

All too soon it was time for the heroes to part as Huaka waved goodbye tohis fellow heroes and made his way up the Mountain of Arrow, Cyber Jon's hometown, where upon he fell asleep upon a soft tuffet. Awakening from his slumber hours later, he found himself in the midst of his fellow Priests of Yahweh (or is it Yaweh? Forgive his ignorance, Huaka could not recall the spelling) and began to worship the One God and pray to Him. Before long it was time for Huaka to return home, where he talked with old friends over his mystical scrying screen, which contained almost every bit of information this world hold, especially including the really useless and inane pieces of it, before he returned to his great and well deserved slumber.

Huaka just woke up a few moments ago. His back and shoulders are a little stiff but he should be otherwise just fine! Heh, today Huaka tackles the Enchanted Mushrooms and the Vicious Porkers both from the Forests of Aldi in an effort to recreate his most famed dish. Will the tribesmen of Alpha suffer a painful and miserable stomachache from Huakas' signature dish? Will Huaka, like Remy the Rat, prove himself a worthy cook? Tune in next time for the next Adventures of Huaka the Human.

Oh crap... Someone is cooking steak... I can smell the beautiful scent of frying fat wafting in from the corridor into my little secluded room... Drool... I still have an essay to complete by 5pm tomorrow... And I am feeling way way drained...

But y'know what? Once it hits 5pm tomorrow evening it will be smoth sailing for the next 2 weeks!

Sure I've got 2 assignments, I'll just work hard at it. Sure I've got some dreams to chase, I've got my running shoes on. Sure I've got my handful of fears, I'd better get punching!

Ok I'd better go crush the remaining 400 odd words of my essay, still need to run to LE office if my printer back home don't work!

1. A time of peace and rest (despite the 2 assignments I have to do over the break *mumble grumble*)

2. Guidance from God regarding my servitude in the church (called to rest? to serve?)

3. This one is a little bigger. I've been wanting to create this time of... genuine, unadulerated worship. The worship leaders, just before Jam on Fridays, used to do this, I remember Cheryl would always lead this... What I hope to do is recreate that, only it will be a lttle different. Those who come ought to have meditated on what God has done for them, in five areas:

Covenant (The Promises you have made to God and God to you)

Evangelism (How He will use You for His kingdom)

Remembrance (How we will always remember what He has done for us)

Thanksgiving (Where you thank Him for everything, good or bad)

S (I kinda forgot what S means for now, I only remembered the acronym I came up with, will type it later if I remember)

Meditate on these for as long as you can, and as often as you can, I believe God will put songs in your heart when you do and should you come to join me on the day, I urge you to sing out those songs from your heart and we in turn will sing with you, knowing what the song means to you. There will be no official worship leader that day; I might start us off and have my set of songs to Him but in the end, it is up to you who has to be proud and declare what you want to Him, whatever it is. The songs don't even have to be well known church songs, it can be something only you know and this will also teach us to meditate during worship, to let the songs of God minister and teach us what He has for us. Musicians are free to bring whatever instruments along they see fit, if not we can do it acapella because in the end, it would be great if we can sing in unison acapella for that means our hearts are united as one.

I have never spoken in tongues, and I know I never will because I always know what I want to say to Him and it is always in song. I call this Heart Songs Worship, obviously because it comes from the heart. I will confirm the future date with you guys as soon as I can pin down my holiday schedule and you are invited to pass on this call to worship to others. Whether or not people come, I will be there even if by myself because I want to praise Him.

I was reminescing, as I walked down Lygon, of a time when I was 15, in my English class in secondary school. We had just handed up our first creative writing assignment to the teacher and she was marking it in class as we wrote our compositions when she stopped marking and looked at a book.  As we filed out of class, she called out to me to stay back after having handed out every homework book. Except mine... Uh Oh...

'Alright David, where did you copy this from?' she asked with a mix of disappointment and exasperation in her voice. You could tell she was a little pissed as she held up my little jotter book in one hand, looking at me standing in front of her desk.

'Excuse me ma'm?'

'Don't try to fool me, I know you didn't write this so you might as well tell me where you copied this from'

'Errr I didn't copy that from anywhere, I wrote that,' I replied, half sheepishly, half confused.

She looked at me long and hard, gazing from one window of the soul to the next, as if she could read my hearts' beat through my eyes, until I think she finally got the message that I was telling the truth as she raised her eyebrows and spoke in a rather hushed and admirable tone, 'Really? You wrote this? This is beautiful, David, please keep it up! I can't wait to read what you have to write next week!'

That has got to be one of my highest points in my memorable young life, it didn't make me feel weird or out of place; it made me realise I could shine... And I pray I still have the gift...

You know your heart is not fully for God and His kingdom, just yet, when you think about the movie you are missing with your bunch of church friends while attending another friend's baptism... Then I eventually saw the beauty of being where I was but sometimes... I wonder...

ANyway, to all who have been praying for me, God has given me an answer and though it is not a happy one, I am still grateful that He anwered, now please keep praying for my studies!

I usually think of worship in a very different way. Worship is usually defined as Christian music and lyrics but I would welcome you into my little world of worship, where songs that I choose to sing in any of the times of worship I lead usually take a week of meditation before I get any. I will be putting up this section of worship once a week and labelling them to give you guys a sense of direction when singing the song, something else to meditate on when you sing it. But ultimately, that is up to you, I hope that everyone who stumbles across this page will take time to worship God, may this touch His people...

Today was interesting. I was worshipping Him after an OCF event (because they only had one worship song) and my heart felt like it was crying out to Him. It was speaking a simple song but it changed and I found the tune of a well known secular song but when I opened my mouth, I felt my lips and heart actively changing the lyrics so here it is, I didn't do a verse 2 to it because I was so pulled into the imagery in my head: imagine you are dying and spending your last minutes of life, your head laying in the lap of the person you love the most in the world as you lie under a huge shady tree. You smile and the person is smiling back at you, stroking your face. You feel the last vestiges of your strength leaving you and just before you close your eyes for the very last time, you hear the person singing a beautiful song, about you, about your life, about how much you mean to the person, and then that person leans in close to your face, almost close to kissing you but rather breathes a sigh of breath on you before you close your eyes and die. But you find your eyes opening again; you haven't died! But the person you loved the most is slumped lifeless over your body... That is the vision I got... It is a morbid picture but that is what Jesus did for us all... And this is a song of rememberance and gratitude unto Him... You should be able to get the tune, the tune is old but I love the lyrics... God Bless...

Before I read the Good Book

Back then I didn’t know

Why any Son of God would show love like You would

For such a wretched race

So fallen from Your grace

Strumming my face with His fingers

Singing my life with His song
Breathing in life with His last words

Giving His life for the world

As Jesus died on the cross

Breathing in life with His song...

After the fritzing emotions, suddenly, something has appeared, made itself known in such a powerful way that I want to declare it is God and that I am set with an important task... But I do not know, many others have been telling me to pray long and hard about it but thus far, my heart and what I believe to be His will seem to all point i one direction... Especially with the few small wonders He has been showing in my life this last week alone... I just pray that I am right about this...

Emotions are in the fritz as the last remnants of my energy is being tapped and pirated away by some unknown source... It's definitely not the weather, I love rainy days... I ate white chocolate which is supposed to perk anyone up...

I can't compose, I can't sing sincerely, I don't feel like working. I just feel like curling up in bed for the rest of the week, don't even feel like going out tonight...

Sorry, not trying to trawl for emo sympathy, it's just that I SO need a perk me up right now...

'I miss you'

And with those words, the world around me faded away as my mind was suddenly exposed to a flood of emotions. I was overwhelmed, sad yet glad, the sincerity behind those words, the setting when they were uttered, screamed of unrequitted love between lovers yet friends they were... Even now I still cannot fully express what it feels like to let him go, I really will miss my twin quite a bit...

That image, this feeling, those words, the melodies of the afternoon are going to haunt me for a long time to come...

For you, bro, a prayer song...

Leave your fears by the side of the road,
When you hear Him speak, don't let go,
Fall to your knees when you lift your hands to pray.
You've got every reason to go home again,
Father's call that draws you in,
And all you want to see is a glimpse of Him.

All you need is Him, All you need is Him, bro, it's him, bro,
All you need is Him, All you need is Him, bro, it's him, bro... 

Y'know what? I always seem to forget the positive effects stress has on me, it does wonders for my creative side, and it self alleviates itself in time! Haha but pleae pray for my studies all the same, thanks to all who have shown their concern or have been praying for me, I do want to do well but I will also be thinking about what to do with my ministries... Guess I'll have to approac both HC leaders, I can sense the one that will be fine without me but I would like to inform them too. 

In a time when we are called to service, many people have approached me and asked me to step down in fear of my studies and all and I guess their worry has slowly been injected into my veins... Cos I too am starting to worry over something that never really bugged me before, not since Singapore anyway...

So to all who in their hearts of hearts agree that I ought to step down in accordance to the will of our Heavenly Father, please pray. Pray that I might know if it truly is the will of God for me to step down from where I serve now. If the answer is truly yes, then where from: Hospi or Worship ( I was seriously considering), Alpha (please no God), Noobs or Tim's HC (one or the other but it is hard for mortal flesh to decide because God has placed me as the worship leader in both groups and has blessed me with songs that touch and minister to people in both groups).

I think that's all I serve in, as far as my memory serves me. Please as you pray for me (if you do) consider not the church or the community but for once, please put me as the first concern, my spiritual growth, every aspect of me. I know it sounds mighty selfish, but I truly need to know what is in my best interest right now, that I may prosper by obeying His will above mine. Please pray for my studies as well, that I may always have His wisdom and knowledge and understanding of everything I do... If God says persevere and don't drop anything, that He will cover me, please let me know too, in fact, if any of you get any messages from the Big Guy for me, please do not hesistate to drop me a personal message or comment! Thanks everyone!

Hmmm... A thought has been passing over my mind for the past year now...

The first who asked me was a lady who said I had a lovely bass, the second another lady who invited me, the third was a gentleman who invested heavily in me as a passing comment and the fourth a young master whom I was conversing with last night...

The thought of being on the worship team has always been an easy choice for me but whether I truly ought to be is a different question: do I have what it takes, aside from the Heart of Worship? Will I measure up to the other great Psalm singers? Can I not be swept away by fear of judgement or stage fright or pride from praise?

Can I get with the program and jump along on stage with the other worshippers?

Hahaha.

But in all seriousness, I have been considering and praying and asking God if that is His will for me. So to all you guys who have heard me sing or saw me lead worship and from the bottom of my heart believe that this is something that I will truly grow in, please pray for me or if not, at least voice out your agreements or disgreements, yeah? Thanks!